Rules
by InfiniteUniverses
Summary: Mira explains some of the more obscure and weird rules of the guild to Lucy, such as Gajeel can't sing 80's pop hits, Gray can't perform his own version of Disney on Ice, no one can tape snakes to Evergreen's head and call her Medusa, and no one can try to convince Natsu, Laxus and Gajeel to form a boy band called Dragon Slayerz. Modern Fairy Tail AU.


"_Well, how can I forget you, girl? When there is always something there to remind me! Always something there to remind me! I was born to love her, and I'll never be free! You'll always be apart of me!_" Gajeel's singing sang throughout the guild, as he sat in his usual corner, jamming out on his iPod and pretending to play the drums.

"Gajeel!" Mirajane shouted from the bar, trying to be heard over the music playing in his ears. "Gajeel! GAJEEL!"

"Huh?" Gajeel pulled one ear bud out of his ear. "Someone callin' for me?"

"Gajeel," Mira got Gajeel's attention. "You know the rules. You can't sing 80's pop hits."

"Oh, right," Gajeel grumbled. He put his ear bud in and then began to hum along to the tune and playing the imaginary drums.

"There's a rule that Gajeel can't sing pop hits?" Lucy asked Mira as the bartender served Lucy her smoothie.

"Yep, right after Gajeel came here, the Master decreased that Gajeel can't sing 80's pop hits after Gajeel spent a day in the corner singing along to various pop hits from the 80's," Mira explained.

"Makes sense," Lucy agreed before thinking about something else. "Are there any other rules like that? Pertaining to only certain people?"

"There's a whole board or rules like that behind the bar, along with a few that don't have to do with guild protocol," Mira answered.

"Like what?" Lucy asked, not bothering to get up and check the list herself.

"Well, like how Erza and I can't have any drinks, Erza can't drive the bus," Mirajane began to list off the rules she knew.

"Any interesting ones?" Lucy asked.

"Hhm, well Natsu isn't allowed to be the Human Torch for Halloween," Mira began.

"That must have been interesting," Lucy commented.

"All I remember from that Halloween were walls of fire and lots of screaming," Mira added. "And no one can try to convince Laxus to be Storm for Halloween."

"What else?" Lucy continued to ask.

"There are a couple things the Master banned," Mira thought. "Like the Twilight Saga, 'Shrek Is Love, Shrek Is Love', and Flappy Bird after he kept on having to pay for broken iPhones. You can't threaten to shiv someone for posting hate on the Fairy Tail Facebook page too."

"Who would do that?" Lucy asked.

"This one person posted a long rant on our page talking about how 'triggering' we were or something," Mira remembered. "His name was Cranky or something. Erza threatened to shiv him so he replied with another long speech about 'triggering'."

"Did Erza actually read through the entire speech?" Lucy asked.

"Yes," Mira answered. "Natsu fell asleep after the first five sentences."

"Sounds like him," Lucy laughed. "But there has to be more."

"Well, no one is allowed to tape fake snakes to Evergreen's head and call her Medusa," Mira stated. "And no one is allowed to tape real snakes to Evergreen's head and called her Medusa."

"Who would do that?" Lucy asked, trying to imagine Evergreen running around on a rampage with real snakes in her hair.

"We still don't know. But it was during the Percy Jackson crazy," Mira explained. "Which led to rules like 'You cannot claim yourself as the son slash daughter of x Greek deity and say you have to go to Camp Half-Blood to train'."

"Well then there have to be a lot more for Harry Potter," Lucy guessed.

"Someone kept on spreading rumors that Voldemort was a dark mage and Death Eater was a dark guild, so there's a rule against spreading that rumor again," Mira replied. "And you can't send fake letters to Hogwarts."

"Who would do that?" Lucy asked.

"Someone thought it would be a good idea to send a letter to Levy," Mira explained.

"Why do I have a feeling that this someone's Natsu?" Lucy asked, trying not to think about how the fake Hogwarts letter would have turned out.

"Not all the rules came around because of Natsu," Mira replied. "I mean, yes, Natsu isn't allowed to light any candles anymore, and no one is allowed to ask Levy if she learned her powers from watching 'Word World' after Levy threw a book at his face for asking that, but he doesn't read and only knew about Harry Potter from the movies."

"So any non-Natsu rules?" Lucy asked.

"All of the rules about High School Musical and any rules about the Exceeds," Mira answered.

"Why would you need rules about High School Musical?" Lucy asked remembering the highlight of her childhood.

"Someone kept on trying to make a petition to change Fairy Tail to Wildcat Tail so the guild's chant could be 'What Team? Wildcats!'," Mira explained. "We also had to get people to stop telling Nab to 'Get his head in the game'. There was also something about theme songs . . . oh right! 'The Thunder God Tribe does not have a theme song, and if they did, it would not be 'Fabulous' from High School Musical 2'."

"I think that it would a pretty good theme for them," Lucy snickered. "But why are there rules about the Exceeds?"

"The rules were made before we knew that there were more flying cats," Mira explained. "So there were rules like 'You cannot ask Happy if he would evolve into X eeveelution when given X stone' and 'Do not try to play Blue's Clues with Happy, he will play along and it will be disastrous'."

"Alright, well are there any rules about Gray? I haven't heard any about him yet," Lucy asked.

"There are some new ones," Mira answered. "Like 'Gray cannot create his own version of Disney on Ice', 'Do not ask Gray if he can be Elsa for Halloween', and 'Gray is not Jack Frost, and you cannot pretend you can't see him because you don't believe in Jack Frost'."

"What would Gray's version of Disney on Ice even be about?" Lucy asked.

"Gray wanted to make Natsu Maleficent so he could fight him," Mira explained.

"Gray actually tried to make his own version of Disney on Ice!?" Lucy asked, shocked.

"And it would have worked too," Gray butted in. "If it weren't for copy-right infringement."

"There are also some rules about Loke that were made after everyone discovered that he was a celestial spirit," Mira continued. "'Loke was not on 'Between the Lions'', 'Loke is not the reincarnation of Mufasa', and 'If Loke returns to the guild, you cannot go up to him, wipe chalk on his forehead, call him Simba, and then sing the opening lines of 'The Circle of Life' while trying to pick him up'."

"I'm going to have to mention that to Loke the next time I summon him," Lucy decided before Mira continued. "Okay, any rules about Erza that don't have to do with drinking and driving."

"You can't convince Erza that she's the newest vessel for the Phoenix Force just because she has red hair and can commune telepathically with Jellal from time to time," Mira explained. "And you can't convince her that she's the newest reincarnation of Jean Grey."

"Who did that?" Lucy asked.

"It was my early days at the guild," Mira admitted. "I also caused the rules of 'No using the 'Cheese Touch' on members of the guild as an excuse to keep away from them' and 'There is no entrance to Fraggle Rock in the basement. Do not tell people that'."

"Why would you tell people that the entrance to Fraggle Rock was in the basement?" Lucy asked.

"It was a good way to distract Natsu," Mira admitted. "But the rule has to be made when he got stuck in the wall trying to find the entrance and we had to call the Fire Department to get him out."

"Ouch, any other good ones?" Lucy asked.

"I can only think of two more," Mira replied. "One is 'You can't try to convince Laxus, Gajeel, and Natsu to form a boy band called 'Dragon Slayerz'', and 'Do not try to force Freed to come out of the closet. He'll come out in his own time'."

"So are there any rules about me?" Lucy asked Mira.

"No," Mira replied. "If there were any rules about you, you'd know."


End file.
